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Archive for March, 2010

You are what you are, thanks to the choices you made

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

You are where you are right now, thanks to the choices you have made (or have not made).

We make choices every day, from the moment we wake up to the time we fall asleep.

We decide the time to rise and the number of times to hit the snooze button.  We decide what to eat for breakfast or we may decide to leave the choice to someone else.

We decide what to wear for work and how to commute to work or we may decide to leave it on autopilot.  We decide whether we want to greet our colleagues or pretend that we are too busy to notice.  We decide what tasks to do and which one to take priority.

We decide if we wish to invite an old friend for lunch or join the guys in the department.  We choose fast food or spaghetti for lunch and coffee or tea for tea-break.

We decide to knock-off on the dot or stay behind to clear backlog.  We decide whether to stock-up groceries on our way home or head straight home.

We choose between catching up with our children and working on our laptop.  We choose between reading a motivational book and sitting in front of the television watching horror movie.

We decide whether to sign up for an interesting course or procrastinate.  We decide how to spend the weekend , family outing or business entertainment.  We decide how we want to sleep, on our back or on one side.

So, after all the decisions, are you happy with where you are right now?  If you are, that’s great!  Continue with your choices.  However, if you are not happy with where you are right now and want to be somewhere else, you have a choice.  Yes, simply by making choices, big and small, that will bring you to where you want to be. REMEMBER, you are what you are because of the choices you made. So, if you wish you change yourself or something in your life, the choice is yours.

Posted in Life, Motivation, Thoughts to Ponder | 6 Comments »

Ways to motivate yourself to do that you don’t want to but have to

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

The majority of us have had those times where we have to do something we really don’t feel like doing. Perhaps it is the terrible project at work, working with someone we would prefer not to, or taking that unexpected business trip. Whatever the case may be, we are at a point where we realize the best option is to just go ahead and do it, despite the fact that we really have very little desire to do so.

1. Just do it. Don’t sit around dreading what you know you have to do, just do it and as soon as you begin, there will be positive momentum that is generated that you can build off of.

2. Give yourself a reward for doing it. If you had to go on that undesired business trip, perhaps you take the next day off or treat yourself to something you don’t ordinarily get to do.


3.  Find something good about what you have to do. There is always something…you just have to honestly look.  If it will somehow serve a positive purpose in the future, focus on that.


4. Think about other things that you actually like. You can borrow “feel good equity” from other things you are experiencing that make you happy.  Borrow some of that positive energy even if it is unrelated.


5. No Sob Stories. Don’t complain about what you need to do while talking with anyone else.  Try to always frame the situation in a positive manner when describing it to other people (i.e. I have to take a 5 hour flight, but at least I will get in some good reading time).  It is not going to help you to have a pity party and it certainly isn’t helpful to invite anyone else.


6.  Think about how great you will feel once you are done. It is amazing how good you feel when you have finally completed that one thing that has been weighing on your mind.  Look forward to having that feeling.

Posted in Attitude, Motivation, Problem Solving | 3 Comments »

People come into your life for a reason

Monday, March 8th, 2010

You are the lead actor as well as the director of your life. Apart from you, there are others characters in your life a well.
Now look at your life.  Who are these other actors and co-actors?  Yes, you have guessed them right.  They are your parents, your spouse, your children, your grandparents, your siblings, your in-laws, your friends, your neighbours, your teachers, your club members, your colleagues, your bosses, your customers and your suppliers.

Now let us zoom in, at random.  You may have a difficult colleague who is a pain in the neck.  She is grumpy and flares-up at the slightest matter.  Worse still, she is domineering and likes to boss around.  You must be thinking, how unfortunate to have her in your life.  Believe it or not, she is here for a reason.  She has been sent by the high-powered director to deliver lessons to you.  Probably on tolerance and empathy.  Do not judge.  Do not label.  Try to put yourself in her shoes.  See where she is coming from.  Understand why is she behaving in that manner.  Try to see the lessons she is bringing you.  Then get on with the lessons.  Until you have learned the required lessons, she will be here to stay.

A new chief comes on board.  He implements drastic measures.  He downsizes the company.  He issues punishing deadlines.  Yet he is fickle-minded.  You cannot take his nonsense and decides to leave the company.  Don’t bear a grudge against him.  Instead, be thankful.  He is here for a reason.  He is here to force you to take actions.  You may be comfortable in your current job.  But it may not be the right place for you.  He is here to help you move to a better place, a place that is truly your calling.

Think about the people in your life.  Past and Present.  Think about their roles in your life and the lessons they bring along.  Have an open mind.  It may just turn out to be a significant discovery.  A turning point in your life.

Posted in Attitude, Life, Problem Solving, Stress, Thoughts to Ponder | 4 Comments »

Self Honesty

Monday, March 8th, 2010

The truth hurts sometimes, but trying to keep an obvious truth hidden inside yourself can hurt even more. Making excuses doesn’t help, rationalizing doesn’t help, yelling doesn’t help. Bringing yourself to a painful but honest realization will actually do you better.

When some of my clients have been avoiding a problem and struggling with reality, I have often said something like this, “You can think that way about your problem if you like, pretend it isn’t there. Or you can face the truth and acknowledge its existence. Either way, the reality of your problem will still be there. You just have more power to make your situation better if you face it.”

Reality is trying come to the surface anyway, and yet we keep trying to stuff it down.

Take a person with an alcohol addiction. The truth is that they cannot drink alcohol for the rest of their life. The risk for relapse is high given their history. If they continue to associate good times and stress management with having a drink, they will struggle to accept this reality. Even when they relapse and start thinking addiction thoughts, they keep fighting to ignore the truth. They can try to pretend their addiction really “isn’t that bad” or that they know how to control their drinking now, but the addiction is still there. Period. Trying to justify alcohol use will cause the same problems they came to counselling with. The only way to be free of this bondage is to face the reality of the addiction and make different choices. The solution is in their hands – sobriety – but they will need to be honest with themselves to have the best quality of life.

We will very well be creating misery for ourselves and important relationships by trying to shove reality under the rug. All of this comes down to accepting the maybe ugly but ever-present truth.

Usually, facing the truth of a difficult situation is a shorter-term pain than most people anticipate. It can hurt like a sucker punch, but then the best part comes. You get the chance to move forward with your life, leaving behind a clunky, dirty piece of baggage that you’ve been dragging around behind you. As long as you keep trying to dress up that piece of baggage and keep it with you, it’s going to keep weighing you down. Call it out for what it is, dump it, and get on to the best part of life. If not with others then at least be honest with yourself.

Posted in Attitude, Mind & Thoughts, Thoughts to Ponder | 6 Comments »