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Archive for the ‘Mind & Thoughts’ Category

Words can make, words can break

Saturday, February 18th, 2012

Words are powerful – whether spoken, written or those that we carry in our thoughts.

In recent days, I found many of my clients who have been going through problems only because of certain words they heard. While counseling them, I realized that isn’t each of us going through the same case. A kind word makes our day while a word of discouragement may put us to tears.

A late bloomer struggles with his school work. His teachers call him stupid. His friends call him names. His parents give up hope on him. His talents are stifled. His dreams are buried. The flower never gets to bloom.

A bubbly kid cannot come to terms with the sudden loss of his parents. He feels his world falling apart. The light in him fades. The school counselor reaches out to him. She consoles him. She encourages him. She gives him hope to carry on.

The sole bread owner in the family is asked to leave the company. He is depressed. He loses confidence. He loses direction. Until he picks up a book. And the words in that book fuel him. Power him. And change him forever.

Can you recall the times when you are feeling low and how comforting the gentle words from your loved ones and friends made you feel? Do you remember the times when you are pondering over life’s purpose and how the words in books and articles inspire you and give you a sense of purpose and direction?

Words can bring hope. Words can provide strength. Words can heal. Words can fuel. Words can make a person’s day. Words can build relationships. Words can build a person. Words can move mountains. Words can make a man rise up to power. Words can bring peace to the world. But words can also hurt. Words can break a heart. Words can kill dreams. Words can kill hopes. Words can stifle talents. Words can lead people astray. Words can cause enmity. Words can destroy.

Suhani Shah - Words

The words we speak can bring an inward calmness to the hearer that reflects in their outwardly behaviour.  Let’s also speak words of life to ourselves. Sometimes we have a tendency to be too harsh on ourselves, so make it a priority to speak loving words to yourself. Bless yourself, the hearer, with your gift of words, starting today!

So much being said about the power of words, what words would you choose? Yes, go for words that make, build, inspire or heal. Otherwise, it is better to leave things unsaid.

Life without Television = :)

Monday, November 14th, 2011

I’ve mentioned on and off that I don’t watch TV, and people have curiously asked me why I do that and how I manage life without TV. Firstly, its not air, water or food that we cannot live without; its just a piece of electronic. Anyway, I thought it’s about time I write an article on it. In the past, I was a regular TV viewer like most people. I wasn’t a TV addict or a couch potato, but I would watch TV whenever I feel like it. That probably averaged out to a few hours a day.  Then slowly, I watched lesser and lesser TV. It wasn’t that I just woke up one day and decided that “This is it – I’m not going to watch TV from today onwards“. It was more of a gradual transition to a TV-free life. And truth be told, my life didn’t crash from not watching TV. Looking back, I don’t feel like I have missed out on anything. In fact, I feel my life has changed for the better. In the past years of not watching TV, I have experienced numerous positive changes, such as increased consciousness, more clarity, more time to do what I want, productivity, freedom, and so on.
Not watching TV has given me a lot more free time to do things I love. I remember in the past, I’d mark out shows I want to watch on my schedule. Then I’d arrange my activities around them. While I was watching the shows, other activities had to be put on hold. We didn’t count, but one probably spends at least 2-3 hours/day in front of the telly, if not more. That’s quite a bit of time spent in front of the black box and doing nothing else. In retrospect, that was a big waste of evenings.

Movies

The one thing I noticed about TV is how it gives you an illusion that you’re missing out from not watching. The TV trailers would go “This Saturday is Blockbuster Saturday– Be sure to catch Movie #1, Movie #2, Movie #3, back to back! You CANNOT miss this!” Or “This holiday season, all the best movies are coming home to you! You won’t want to miss this for anything!“. They just keep going on and on, and once you are done for the week, new trailers will run. Also, you don’t ever accomplish anything from watching TV. Yes it helps me to relax and chill out at first, but after a certain amount of time one feels more sluggish and tired from watching. Then at the end of it, there’s no specific output. You’ve gained nothing and done nothing.

Drama Serials

Many of us watch TV, specifically drama serials, because we want to see the stories unfold for the characters. What’s going to happen to X? Did Y get the outcome he/she deserves? Will A and B get together? What will the ending be? It’s all very exciting, and the cliff hangers keep us yearning for more. Then for the whole week, we wait excitedly for the next episode to see what happens. We have our own life to live and problems to solve. Even if one says that he/she doesn’t get affected by TV serials, watching them automatically gets you involved in them and it definitely affects you sub-consciously in your emotional and thinking patterns.

Reality Shows

Even for reality shows, the genre of reality TV was interesting when it first started, but after some point it became over done. After a while it seemed like network producers were just doing one reality show after the next, creating different spin offs which barely last. I’ve lost count of the number of singing competitions and sequels in the country. There is merit for a singing competition, but after a while it seems more like the TV producers are more interested in having successful talent shows than discovering talent.

News Channels

There is a lot of sensationalization on TV. Sometimes it’s the sensationalization of what’s there, making it bigger than it really is. Other times, it’s something created out of nothing. A lot of things are hyped up. Scenes of people crying, bickering, fighting, taboo, sexual content, ugly human behavior etc are played up a lot, especially on reality TV. Many times, they don’t serve anything other than to create drama and it’s quite pointless. If I’m a TV viewer, I’m watching to either (1) be entertained (2) be informed or (3) be educated. I don’t find hyped up content to be entertaining, informing nor educational.

Loss of Family Time

TV is one of the favourite pastimes in families. They spend evenings in front of the TV screen, watching show after show. Even though everyone is sitting together in the same room, they aren’t bonding with each other. Each of them is just developing an isolated connection with whatever is on the TV screen.

Now, imagine if all this time is spent talking to each other. Say, asking how each other’s days were, understanding each other, discussing tomorrow’s plans, being a part of each other’s lives, just hanging out. Isn’t that a more meaningful way to connect? Why build a connection with the television and characters on screen when you can be building a connection with real people? TV might be a proxy to bond with each other, but it’s clearly more fruitful to bond with each other directly. I definitely find the latter more meaningful than the former.

Introspection

I am not asking you to completely stop watching television but make it a point that whatever you see is helping you gain something and if not gain then at least you are not losing on anything, be it time, peace or happiness.

Here’s one way you can use to see if something is consciousness raising. Get a sense of how you are feeling first before watching the show. Then as you are watching the show, take a moment to assess how you feel.

  • How are you feeling? Happy? Joyful? Upbeat? Motivated? Inspired? Or scared? Worried? Annoyed? Disgusted? Angsty? Weighed down? Stressed?
  • What are you thinking? Positive thoughts? Or negative thoughts?
  • What do you feel like doing? Do you feel charged up to take action? Make a positive difference? Or do you feel nothing? Lazy? Just want to go and sleep things away?

If it’s the former group, then the content has consciousness-raising effect; if it’s the latter then you can probably do better without it.

Life is perfect. Everything has its worth

Monday, April 18th, 2011

It takes a male and a female to create a life.

Complementary opposites in action create a miracle.

We breathe in, we breathe out.

Each is necessary to complete the cycle.

2 hydrogen atoms with one oxygen atom form 1 molecule of water.

Complementary opposites bond and give rise to wonder.

With day comes night.  With night comes day.

With work comes rest.  With rest comes work.

There is natural balance in everything.

With darkness, we know what is light.

With sorrow, we know what is joy.

With contrast, we know more.

When we give, we receive.

When we hurt someone, we hurt ourselves.

One action enables the other.

When we have, we feel not.  When we have not, we feel.

When our loved ones are around, we are lost  in our own world.

When our loved ones disappear, we are lost in their world.

Words printed in black are visible on a piece of white paper.

Words printed in white are invisible on a piece of white paper.

Contrast brings upon meaning.

We experience the ups and downs in life.

Good times won’t last.  Bad times will pass.

Where does the past end and where does the future begin?

There is no beginning.  There is no ending.  There is only now.

Is money good?  Is money evil?

Good or bad depends on the person handling it.

Our internal works are manifested on the outside.

Life is a mirror.  Look outside and we know what is going on inside.

With life comes death.  Death gives meaning to our being alive.

Keep moving as everything in your life has its worth.

Self Honesty

Monday, March 8th, 2010

The truth hurts sometimes, but trying to keep an obvious truth hidden inside yourself can hurt even more. Making excuses doesn’t help, rationalizing doesn’t help, yelling doesn’t help. Bringing yourself to a painful but honest realization will actually do you better.

When some of my clients have been avoiding a problem and struggling with reality, I have often said something like this, “You can think that way about your problem if you like, pretend it isn’t there. Or you can face the truth and acknowledge its existence. Either way, the reality of your problem will still be there. You just have more power to make your situation better if you face it.”

Reality is trying come to the surface anyway, and yet we keep trying to stuff it down.

Take a person with an alcohol addiction. The truth is that they cannot drink alcohol for the rest of their life. The risk for relapse is high given their history. If they continue to associate good times and stress management with having a drink, they will struggle to accept this reality. Even when they relapse and start thinking addiction thoughts, they keep fighting to ignore the truth. They can try to pretend their addiction really “isn’t that bad” or that they know how to control their drinking now, but the addiction is still there. Period. Trying to justify alcohol use will cause the same problems they came to counselling with. The only way to be free of this bondage is to face the reality of the addiction and make different choices. The solution is in their hands – sobriety – but they will need to be honest with themselves to have the best quality of life.

We will very well be creating misery for ourselves and important relationships by trying to shove reality under the rug. All of this comes down to accepting the maybe ugly but ever-present truth.

Usually, facing the truth of a difficult situation is a shorter-term pain than most people anticipate. It can hurt like a sucker punch, but then the best part comes. You get the chance to move forward with your life, leaving behind a clunky, dirty piece of baggage that you’ve been dragging around behind you. As long as you keep trying to dress up that piece of baggage and keep it with you, it’s going to keep weighing you down. Call it out for what it is, dump it, and get on to the best part of life. If not with others then at least be honest with yourself.

The Law of Expectations

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

The Law of Expectations says that whatever you expect, with confidence, becomes your own self-fulfilling prophency. You are continually telling your own fortune when you talk about how you think things are going to turn out in a particular area. Your expectations then determine your dominant thoughts, especially those thoughts that you emotionalize strongly.
By this law, or natural force, the more you think about something you want, the more excited you will attract that goal into your life, like a magnet attracts iron fillings. Your thoughts will create a force field of energy that will attract the people, circumstances, ideas, opportunities and resources that you need to achieve your goals. When you change your thinking about yourself and your possibilities, you will attract into your life the forces necessary to turn those big thoughts and ideas into real-life experiences.