A few days back, I had a conversation with an old friend of mine and found him on the absolute lower side of life. “I can never be successful in life.“, “No matter how much I work, things can never be right for me.“, this is how he had been explaining the current phase of his life. My conversation with him forced me to write this article. It is for all those who have always been cribbing about their life.

The universe doesn’t hate you – honest
Things go wrong for everyone – the universe doesn’t have a grudge against anyone in particular. If you say or have ever said, ‘Why this happens only to me?” then let me say that you are not the only one saying that which certainly means that it happens with everyone. How we cope with the inevitable setbacks of everyday life is one of the things that differentiates between those people who are ultimately successful and those who aren’t.

This doesn’t mean, of course, that at the individual level some people aren’t unlucky and that others don’t get away almost without challenge by life – but in overall, big-picture terms our responses dictate a great deal of how life treats us.

It’s this approach which appears in such common sayings as “If life throws you lemons, make lemonade” or as I say “If life throws you limes, rearrange the letters and smile ”.  They may be common and to some they may be silly as well, but there’s an element of truth in them.

One of the big issues with people with such intense negative attitudes is that they tend to regard the negative things in life as ‘permanent, pervasive and personal’. In other words, they tend to subconsciously believe that a bad situation will never change; that a bad situation in one part of they life is generalized to the rest of their lives; and that it’s something to do with them in some way and that is their fault.

If you are one of them, to challenge these assumptions, all you have to do is find a set of tools which encourage you (or force you) to look at things objectively, rather than dwelling on the negative. By getting a greater sense of perspective it puts the our setbacks in their place, cutting away at the effects of the Permanence, Pervasive and Personalisation agenda.

If this was someone else’s problem, what would I do?
It’s always easier to solve other people’s problems than your own, isn’t it? We are like somewhat experts in solving someone else’s problems. In fact, we are so quick in doing that that before the other finishes explaining the problem, we are ready with the solution to it. After all, the chances that you can give someone else good advice is greater than the chance of you accepting good advice that someone gives you!  Find ways of making the problem objective, so that it feels more like it belongs to someone else – getting distance from the setback is a very powerful tool.

Examples might include such things as writing the problem down in a letter to yourself (perhaps addressed to yourself at work if you’re at home or vice versa and perhaps using your middle name if you have one). Post it to yourself so that it takes a few days to arrive. Else you can always discus it with a friend/relative you are comfortable with to get a different perspective.

Remember, life is a series of ups and downs. Nothing is permanent. We have absolutely no complains about life in our happy days so why cry for the not so happy ones. Instead of differentiating days as happy and not-so-happy ones lets consider them as just another day of our life and live them in the best possible way we can. It’s your life; a life you own. You can do whatever you want to do with it…   so LIVE it.

The world loves you only if you love yourself.

Smile   Laugh   Breathe…   LIVE!